Past, Present & Future

In response to:An email and stamp = gift vouchers

Fri, 13 Jun 2008 12:15:42 +0200

Hello there chuck

Hope all is going well - sounds like things are at a bit of a crux!

If you fancy a bit of a diversion I have tagged you :):
http://fairplay.blog.co.uk/2008/06/13/tagged-by-hebburndelboy-4310445

Take care x

In response to:Mountains to Climb

Thu, 22 May 2008 16:46:31 +0200

Hiya,

I think the situation at home is stabilising a little, then something else happens! I think my Dad is trying to build bridges with me and my Sister. He has always put himself first and I think he's had a few home truths. It is getting a little heavy at times.

Its a bit sad really that the reason I probably hadn't left BF is purely financial. Previous relationships have usually fizzled out, my doing, but then I've been living at home or in my home town. Moving to London and my excessive past shopping has meant we've relied on each other. The redundancy and family discounted flat mean I'm finally independent of him, plus I just can't cope any longer!!

Whatever happens I have my independence back!

NA x

In response to:Mountains to Climb

Sun, 18 May 2008 19:39:35 +0200

Hello there

With all that's happening it's not surprising that you don't have the time to write what is happening, or even think about what is happening.

Things seem to be stabilising though?

One thing that does intrigue me is that, regardless of the M factor, is that you are still with the BF. Obviously for the time being there is a lot going on with a new job, your parents etc. As someone who's default status is single I'm always intrigued by those that are always in a relationship. I guess there are just some people who naturally default to being with someone. And it doesn't seem to be anything to do with "strength" - one of my best mates is one of the strongest people I know, but is always with someone.

I think the new flat and a period of Northern Angel striking out on her own would be good for you!

All the best with the job hunt and everything else.

Fairplay x

In response to:A River of Tears

Mon, 12 May 2008 17:22:47 +0200

Your writing and comments do bring a smile to my face! Thank you.

Despite the occasional bouts of emotions that creep up on me from time to time I feel like I'm coping in some way. This does fascinate me some what because I thought I would be a wreck, just a few more depressing grey hairs.

It would be very easy to keep away from family with the geographical distance but I won't.

Hope you're enjoying the weather :DD

In response to:A River of Tears

Thu, 08 May 2008 00:43:39 +0200

Hey there chuck,

Glad to see some words there! People can deal with pretty horrendous things when they occur isolation, but you've clearly got a lot on the go at the moment. Small, manageable chunks are probably the way forward, the bigger picture can take care of itself for a while whilst you do a bit of firefighting. That way things are less likely to get on top of you.

It sounds like you do have a close-knit family; despite what has happened - use it to your advantage.

Keep the faith boss!

In response to:A Horrible Mess

Wed, 07 May 2008 00:44:42 +0200

Thank you, I try to hold onto that fact when its getting too much.

In response to:A Horrible Mess

Wed, 07 May 2008 00:41:54 +0200

I've thought so many times why I was OK with pursing things with M knowing his situation and mine and still I have no justification for my actions.

Despite all this I selfishly want M in my life.

I hope I can support them both. Although I am shocked in my Dads actions I do sometimes think they would be better/happier apart - regret ever thinking that now! It is difficult to see them as individuals and not just your parents being there for you.

Thanks, need some positivity! :>>

In response to:A Horrible Mess

Sun, 04 May 2008 00:38:26 +0200

What ever you think of you dad's actions, remember he loves you and you him. There will be hurt and both will try to get you to side with them. Take care.

In response to:A Horrible Mess

Tue, 29 Apr 2008 23:31:26 +0200

It would be easy to say "Surely you thought about this when you engaged in an affair with a married man?"

However, life isn't simple like this. Whether it's being caught up in the moment or not truly being able to put yourself in the shoes of another.

It's an opportune moment to see what you do want from M. As for your parents, offer your support but to both your mum and dad. Betrayal isn't always black and white.

Hugs and positive thoughts to you...

In response to:Pillow Talk and Tears

Fri, 18 Apr 2008 21:31:56 +0200

You seem to have coped well, Angel. even the strongest people have episodes of self doubt, which is essential to actually function without blind insensitivity.

Something seems like it has to give, be it you keeping your distance for a bit, M accepting what he needs to do to be with you or ending it.

He does have baggage, and that can be a valid reason. Just make sure it doesn't become and excuse.

Keep on with the faith, and the mantra boss!

In response to:Pillow Talk and Tears

Fri, 18 Apr 2008 11:13:19 +0200

hi i dont no how u will take this but here is my advise, life can be tough and it always throws shit at us up till now i have had a tough ride. I no it can all break u down but u need 2 be tough because u r. If u want him and love him u have 2 fight 4 what u want dont let it break u down because then u will give up and thats it then if u dont u will end up wondering what if jump in with both feet and time will tell. Good luck

In response to:Pillow Talk and Tears

Thu, 17 Apr 2008 22:42:54 +0200

You're right, your right. I will be strong because at the end of the day I have to. Fact. I admire people who are strong and make choices and stick by them like you.

You probably wasn't far off with the mardy!! Still the best word ever.

Ha! *hugs* back. Secret is safe!!

In response to:Pillow Talk and Tears

Thu, 17 Apr 2008 20:33:04 +0200

Ok, in a rare moment of weakness, I actually would hug you right now...I can't offer you advice because I see people differently to you, but you are stronger than you think, you've coped up to now. And you truly need to make a huge decision, easier said than done, but I made choices even with a kid in tow. I believe you can do the right thing, just believe in yourself, because if you don't who else will? Oh and I adjusted my blog, because I came across as calling you mardy...when infact i meant it a completely different way!!

*hugs* Angel...please don't let anyone know I can be nice...our secret right? ;)

In response to:Still Nothing...

Thu, 17 Apr 2008 15:47:43 +0200

A small price for such a weight off my mind, tempting but I think I might just move house. Drastic but I would hate to have murder on my conscience.

Is revenge that sweet in the end A moments glee, yes I concur but doesn't that just fuel the want for more?

Should I be worried that he's invited me for coffee at the weekend?

In response to:Still Nothing...

Wed, 16 Apr 2008 22:42:24 +0200

Please ignore my bad spelling, im not illiterate, but i hate going back to correct things once they have been typed.

B

In response to:Still Nothing...

Wed, 16 Apr 2008 22:41:34 +0200

B&Q should do it.. about £14.99

Ive been in many situatioms in life, weird and wonderfull...
This has made me an expert in the art of revenge.

You can buy thgis special liquid from B&Q also - it's called 'Nitromorse' You'll find it in the paint section. Its used for stripping lead paint from radiators, and costs about £7 for a coke-can sized tub.

At night, fling this all over his car, and watch with glee in the morning as he screams in pain becuase the paint on his car is stripped down to bare metal.

Awesome stuff, you should see what happens when you put it in peoples coffee.

Dissolved internal organs anyone?

Cheers
B

In response to:Still Nothing...

Wed, 16 Apr 2008 22:39:21 +0200

Its the beechams med stuff, i've gone through 4 bottles in 2 days...think i'm becoming an alcoholic..

In response to:Still Nothing...

Wed, 16 Apr 2008 22:21:20 +0200

Lol, you have someone in mind you wish an early exit?!!
I would certainly need some help - G is tall. All arms and legs everywhere.

The running is progressing, I've signed up to a running club today. It is metal but when I run or dance I forget about everything, all I have to concentrate on is getting it right for an hour.

Hope the Lemsips are working! Personally I'd rather run than drink that stuff. Makes me gag :)

In response to:Still Nothing...

Wed, 16 Apr 2008 20:42:53 +0200

I'm quite liking the hitman thing, we could pool together.

Have you started the running stuff yet? That in itself if wacky to me...why the bloody hell would you run for fun!! The mind boggles angel, the mind boggles!

In response to:Still Nothing...

Wed, 16 Apr 2008 08:38:59 +0200

All comments are welcome, well apart from offensive ones naturally!! The fact that you read and took the time to comment means it caught your attention long enough to interest you and part with some advice. Thank you.

Yeah I admit it was obsessive to go such lengths to check up on him but its done now. Thankfully he's not dead as I found out yesterday. B) maybe true to some extent.

Hmmm. The neighbour advice has certainly cheered me and given me some light relief from my situation. Is it psychotic to be thinking where I can get a pick-axe handle??!!!

In response to:Still Nothing...

Tue, 15 Apr 2008 23:58:52 +0200

Going to the depths of logging into facebook and working out that more friends means more activity etc is verging on obsessive, and quite possibly - Fucking psychotic.

Your neighbour, like most, sounds like it deserves a pick-axe handle to the knees, and a shallow grave. £15K is the going rate for hitmen these days. Consider that you can sell your passport on the black market for £10K and its pretty cheap to have someone killed.

Letting another human consume your thoughts like that is the same as pushing an emotional self-destruct button. Normally, when people dont talk to you for more than a couple of days they either:

A) Are dead.
B) Dont really want to talk to you. Ever. Again.

But then again, im no expert.
Good luck with your situation, and dont take this email the wrong way, i guess if you didnt want comments you wouldnt have made a blog.

Cheers
B

In response to:Nothing Hurts

Mon, 14 Apr 2008 16:53:19 +0200

I think I'd be bored if life wasn't complicated, I'm never far from a drama!!

I was so glad this morning for your words of encouragement. I've only discussed my situation with a close friend so its nice to get someone else's opinion.

Yeah, I think I'm too old for games and I would regret ending it when I actually don't want to.

I did call and text M this morning but nothing. As much as I've got a sicken feeling I have to leave it there. Guess the only thing to do is wait now...

In response to:Nothing Hurts

Mon, 14 Apr 2008 01:05:56 +0200

One thing humans are good at is complicating things. But then that's what gives life a bit of interest!

Maybe M is trying to avoid too much contact? To try to distance himself from the situation if it is becoming too overbearing? Or he's being a little insensitive.

I definitely agree with you that if you end it it is for good and not to get a reaction. That would be manipulative and I guess you would regret that.

Keep strong!

In response to:One Word Meme

Sat, 12 Apr 2008 22:21:54 +0200

Ha! Otherwise known as a girls best friend!!

In response to:One Word Meme

Sat, 12 Apr 2008 22:07:15 +0200

PMSL!! So have i...check out my answer to question 6 !! :))

In response to:One Word Meme

Sat, 12 Apr 2008 22:02:24 +0200

I know, I know no one believes me!!!!
I've been on my own all day so needed something to entertain me :DD

In response to:One Word Meme

Sat, 12 Apr 2008 21:51:53 +0200

:)) Yeh, yeh LOL!!

In response to:One Word Meme

Sat, 12 Apr 2008 21:49:31 +0200

Lol!!! I did just have my PJ's on at the time - that's my excuse anyway, he he.

In response to:One Word Meme

Sat, 12 Apr 2008 20:42:28 +0200

No knickers...omg LOL ;)

In response to:Lobster, Chocolate Cake and Shoes

Thu, 03 Apr 2008 16:46:24 +0200

Yes it is, isn't it?! :0)

I do feel like a minority at times at work, the best part now is catch those out slating us and dropping into the conversation where I'm from. The look on their face is priceless!

Moral support is definitely needed in bucket loads. I know what I've got to do, it's the how and when in confronting it all. That's what I find hard. I don't want to hurt BF but then I am by doing what I'm doing...

Thanks for reading and the comment

NA